04/25/2010

Tell Me About Love - Parents & Children - Part 14

Paul concludes his discussion on love by telling us that love does not rejoice in iniquity, but instead rejoices in the truth. The first part of this tells us that love does not rejoice in iniquity, and it is quite closely related to our last section.

We mentioned at the end of the last part that often parents love to share the stories of their children's youth, especially the more embarrassing or seedy ones. We learned earlier that rejoicing in iniquity basically means to gossip or to find excitement in the failings of others. This is not love.

Love does not want to see children fail, and it sure is not excited about it when it happens. However nearly all parents like to regale their friends and families with the tales of their children's exploits. They love to tell stories that they find amusing, and truthfully they probably think they are not really embarrassing to the child anymore, but they still are.

Most adults are equipped to handle situations that are embarrassing to them. They are able to laugh it off, but children are not this way. They don't have these same coping mechanisms yet, or they are not developed as least, so when situations like this are discussed they are humiliating. This is especially true based upon who the person is that they are sharing the story with.

I know my mom had always loved to share my stories with women I was dating. "When Rob was five you should have seen when he…." The moment I heard those words I knew that embarrassment was about to begin.

Was my mom intending to be malicious in any way? No, she was not, and I don't think she intended to embarrass me…well, at least not very much, but this is what it did. Whether she saw it this way or not, it was gossip.

Most parents do not want to see their children to fail. Some do I will admit, but not many. However many parents do love to share the stories of when they do. They love to tell every detail because it is a source of amusement…at least for them. The child is probably not seeing it that way at all.

There are also cases where the parent will use the shortcomings of their children in an attempt to gain sympathy and support from others. Now I have no problem in a parent seeking the assistance or advice of others in dealing with their children. We are to help each other in this way. But there are many parents who use the struggles of their children to try to get their needs met. They want others to feel sorry for them, so they can get some "love" and if this means that they need to tell some gossip about their son or daughter to get it they will gladly do so.

This may seem like a far-fetched idea, but there are parents out there that have convinced their doctors that there is something wrong with their child and will let the child go through excruciatingly painful procedures so the parent can look like a concerned mother or father who deserves accolades for their dedication to their child. It is very sad, and the child suffers greatly for it, but the parent has put their needs first.

This also happens when there are real problems going on. There are some people who genuinely need a crisis to be happy, and they love the attention that comes from the struggles of their children. They will then run out to their friends and families to tell of how bad their child is, so they can receive sympathy and support. They are actually rejoicing in the failings of their child so they can look like a heroic mother or father.

If you are sharing stories about your child that can be humiliating to them, then there are really only two reasons why you should do so: to help the child and to help you to be a better parent to the child. If you are coming to others about your child for any other reason you are wrong. If that is the case, then it is time to keep your mouth shut.

Rejoicing in the truth is the fact that your child(ren) is (are) a gift from God. God gave you the gift of a child or children so that you could take your child and raise them in the way of the Lord. That child is also someone who is created by God in the image of God. That is the truth.

Some parents minimize how special and wonderful each child is. They see the child as demanding and inconvenient. You know what? There are times that both those things may be true. Children are very demanding, especially when they are younger, and they are very inconvenient if you want to go out and have fun all the time. But they are also amazing and full of life, and when seen in love by parents they will provide great joy to the mother and father.